Dirt: Oatmeal cashmere for the ears

Mary-Kate and Ashley are the apex twins.

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Daisy Alioto on The Row’s Spotify presence and aspirational listening.

In case you missed it, one of the best fashion features of 2021 thus far was Matthew Schneier on The Row. This thorough examination of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s luxe fashion brand was full of beige, black and white tidbits about The Row’s retail experience.

A creamy marble staircase unspools like a nautilus between the floors; the brand is currently being sued by a woeful shopper who fell down it.

According to Schneier, The Row’s 71st Street store sells perfume by Serge Lutens. The atmosphere is as cool and impenetrable as the twins themselves. 

Maybe the very affluent expect a museumlike retail experience these days, but one observer was shocked, at one of the stores, to see Picasso ceramics displayed with the footwear.

Schneier doesn’t say what the inside of The Row sounds like, but the brand began curating monthly Spotify playlists in April 2020. My distance from the world of The Row is such that I found out about these playlists from the @olsenoracle, a MK & A fan page that I follow. Unlike this pap-enabled Instagram account, the Spotify playlists are luxury voyeurism without the guilt. 

I crank the A/C, submerge myself in shoegaze and wait to become a white leather Bourse bag in the clutches of the universe or a wool scrunchy suggestively fixed around a porcelain doorknob. It’s comforting to know that should the twins drift on to other projects like stylish, Starbucks-guzzling dementors that The Row playlists will live on as a time capsule of aural aspiration.

The Dirt: If there’s one thing I’m going to do, it’s have an expensive experience without paying any money for it.